Married women's secret sexual fantasies

By Katerina Janouch

Most of us have them: dirty, sinful, and often forbidden sexual fantasies, like having sex with several different men at the same time, or with a female colleague at work.

In our imaginations we are free and can affirm even that which is taboo, which makes us hot inside, but is not always politically correct. Here, three married women talk about both realized and unrealized sexual fantasies.

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70 % have sexual fantasies

There is more or less serious research about our sexual fantasies, but I imagine that they can be difficult to carry out because some things are not very easy to talk about, even if one remains anonymous.

A large American survey shows that around 70 percent of all women have sexual fantasies. I believe that the actual figure is higher. Sexual fantasies are a tool for increasing the desire for masturbation and intercourse, but can also come completely apart from any sexual situation.

Women's sexual fantasies are different from men's

They tend to be less violent and more romantic, to summarize the difference in a few words. But both women and men often fantasize about sex that they already had - either about a partner who meant very sexually, or about some special occasion that made it extra exciting.

I myself have written a great deal about this topic and the result was the book "Swedish Women's Secret Sexual Fantasies", where both younger and older women anonymously wrote down their innermost erotic thoughts.

In line with what previous research suggests, many are interested in submission and domination, being swept away by some stranger and forced to submit to sexual acts you would never dare ask for in reality. This is probably why the books and the movie "50 Shades of Gray" have become so hugely popular, as this most common sexual fantasy is very clearly depicted there.

Something you might not think of when talking about sexual fantasies is the very desire for any sex at all. With an ever-increasing number of single people and lonely households, sexuality is something many are not allowed regularly or can rely on - and then the dream of being allowed to have sex at all flourishes.

Pauline, 41:

"They took turns licking and caressing me, it was the sexual kingdom of heaven"

Pauline is an ordinary mother of two who has lived with her husband of ten years and their two little boys in a suburb of Stockholm. Her sex life has mostly been satisfying, and she and her husband have given each other great freedom when it comes to experimenting sexually. This is something that Pauline believes may be unusual in today's society.

"You might say that we live in a kind of open relationship," she says. However, this is not something we tell people about, because it doesn't feel like anyone would understand, sexual fidelity is so important to people.

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We have decided that we should be honest with each other since both of us believe that a completely monogamous sex life eventually leads to frustration. I know that I would have to break up in the end if I could only be sexual with my husband for the rest of my life."

Pauline's husband has known about her favourite fantasy pretty much since they first met. It's about her having sex with several men at the same time. It has for some time served as fuel in their sex life.

"When Mike starts to tell me that I am being taken by several people, I always get extremely excited", says Pauline. "We had been talking about this for several years, and at first I was quite happy that it was just at the stage of thinking about it. But last year, I felt more and more intensely that this was actually something I wanted to experience.

To be at the center of several men's desires. Having several different hands on my body, and having sex at the same time with several different people. But without it being a regular group sex situation, I don't want competition from any other woman.

"We've even looked at ads on a sex contact site", she continues. "Because I have always thought that this is something I want to do with my husband. After all, he has also started really getting excited by me being so turned on by this."

But things do not always turn out as you thought. Last year, Pauline and two girlfriends went on a charter trip to Greece, where she met a younger man with whom she had sex.

"I probably drank a little much ... he was very friendly, and we got a good connection. Maybe that's why I told him that I dreamed of having sex with several men at the same time. He then suggested that I meet his friends. I laughed it off, I suddenly became shy when the opportunity was so close at hand.

"The next day it all seemed unreal, but something in me said, 'Why not'? I was abroad, and there would be no gossip. We decided to meet at his place. He also promised that we would call it off if I felt at all uncomfortable with the situation.

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"He had invited five of his friends, and already by the time we started drinking wine on the couch, I was insanely excited. All the men gave me their full attention, and it was really tingling between my legs. They were young and good looking, polite and flirtatious at the same time. It all started with me making out with them all in turn, and we then proceeded to the bedroom where they undressed me and kissed and stroked me all over my body.

My God, I have never felt so horny in my entire life, it was sexual heaven. I soon lost track of all the orgasms, they took turns licking and caressing me, and I slept with them all in different positions. We had sex for several hours, and when it was done in the small hours, I felt a profound satisfaction in my whole body. My secret sexual fantasy had come true, and it was a thousand times better experience than I could ever have imagined..."

Pauline smiles.

"I am nevertheless aware that, as a woman, I took a great risk by experimenting sexually as I did. Many women are harmed by that and exposed to sexual abuse, and I have also read about gang rape and that sort of thing. But my experience was just great and absolutely delightfully erotic.

I told my husband when I got home (though not my girlfriends) and this experience has since been a favourite to talk about when we are together. I hope I get to experience something similar again one day."

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Maria, 30:

”I fantasize about being a porn star.”

Maria has been married for two years and is happy in her relationship. Yet she fantasizes about being more sexually visible.

"My husband and I went to see "50 Shades of Gray", and it wasn't at all the sex that I thought was intriguing with that movie, but how Christian looks at Ana: his gaze on her, and how he thinks that she's the hottest person on earth. That is exactly how I fantasize about a man looking at me and thinking that I am an erotic goddess. I don't think my husband looks at me that way and I really miss that. He thinks I'm attractive, absolutely, but it doesn't feel like he worships me...

I can think about it, that a whole room stops when I arrive and the men get mad with excitement. It sounds weird when I hear it, but I like to show myself, and I like to be seen, and I know someone is turned on I can get off from that for a long time.

Other common sexual fantasies I have are memories of exciting sex I had as a youngster, which also contained the fact of me being desired, someone who really lost control because of my body and the sex we were having. I wish I didn't look so ordinary. Sometimes I fantasize about being a porn star who makes movies and makes others masturbate. It's really taboo and nothing I would ever tell anyone."

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Linda, 52:

"I had a totally forbidden sexual fantasy about one of my students."

Linda works as a high school teacher, and she is fully aware that what she is saying is something that should not be aired in public. But since she is guaranteed anonymity, she finally tells about it.

"It is impossible not to be affected sometimes, even though it concerns a student and someone who is very much younger. I would never ever act on this, but thoughts you can't do so much about.

I work actively to avoid these fantasies, and it is mostly possible to push them aside. But a few years ago,

I had a student that I became very fond of, and it was hard because I noticed that he, too, seemed interested in me on a different level than a teacher-student relationship. Maybe he wanted to test boundaries, that's hard to say. We had several long conversations about teaching, and I tried to control my eyes and keep the tone professional, and not enter into private details.

But it was difficult, and I know that I went home quite often sad that he was not older or I younger… Yes, I saw different sexual situations in front of me, and it made me extremely excited in a way that I had barely been aware of, the large age difference and the fact that I was his teacher. He my student, obviously contributed to the tension. I thought it was very nice and liberating when he took his diploma and vanished, that I did not have to meet him at school almost every day. But I can still think about him and what arose between us. I'll remember that as long as I live."

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