The most common sexual fantasies of family fathers

By Katerina Janouch

Some studies show that men think of sex an average of 34 times a day, which is more than twice each waking hour. When he goes to work, when he is at work, when he exercises, shops, socializes with friends and with his family.

But what do men really fantasize about? And how do the married man's sexual fantasies differ from those of single men? In this article, three married men reveal their secret sexual fantasies.

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According to a large American survey, over 90% of men regularly fantasize about sex. But while women's sexual fantasies often remain in their heads, men tend more to view their erotic dreams as projects to be realized, whether it's about domination and submission, visits to a sex club or any other exciting activity that breaches boundaries.

Generally speaking, men are more likely to take risks, and even in our modern culture, men are encouraged to show agency. When all is said and done: men tend to seize on a sexual project and push on until it is completed.

However, when he forms a family, the deviant sex and the worst risk-taking are often put to one side.

No wonder that the homemaker quickly drifts off in his mind, perhaps using the internet or remembering things that happened in his younger years, when he was free to pursue his desires without thinking of anyone else.

A typical sex dream among most men is the idea that he is equipped with a large and powerful penis (larger than the one he has). Another is a fantasy about sexual potency, in which he satisfies several women at once and appears as an erotic superman. But submission can also be part of it, especially for those men who have to make many decisions in their lives and who have many responsibilities.

A tired and worn father figure can easily drift away into fantasies of ​​what it would feel like to be in some relaxing sex establishment where he gets massaged and taken care of all day long.

Other common sexual fantasies are about gay men and how he gets penetrated anally, something that many heterosexual men never get to experience because, for example, they dare not ask their partners to use a strap-on. But men have a p spot in their anus, and anal penetration can, therefore, give great pleasure, so, naturally, it is a common sexual fantasy.

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Matthew: 42

"She does what she wants with me, and I am completely at her mercy."

Matthew has been married for thirteen years and has four children with his wife. He describes their sex life as somewhat predictable but says that he is satisfied. What he wants is for his wife to be more playful and curious. In particular, he fantasizes about submission, that he is the one who is dominated.

- In my working life, I am a manager, businesslike and reliable. I need to make decisions almost every day on every level, and I am often sick of being everyone's father, both at work and at home. In my sexual fantasy, I am put down and told to shut up, she is a strong Amazon who has seen through me, and uses me as a tool for her enjoyment.

She does what she wants with me, and I am entirely at her mercy. She sits on my face and forces me to eat her out, she is not satisfied until I make her come. She comments on my body and my penis and mocks me when I do something she finds ridiculous. I'm excited to the point of ejaculation all the time, but she won't let me come, she plays with me; however, she feels like.

I really have nothing to say about it, and that powerlessness is incredibly exciting. Sometimes I want to suggest this game to my wife. Still, I am afraid she'll think I am weird. Also, we have obvious roles of male and female at home, and I suspect that this form of sexuality might disrupt the balance between us negatively.

Stephen: 50

"One woman gives me a blowjob while I caress the other"

Stephen has lived faithfully with his partner for five years. He has suggested a couple of times that they should experiment with other partners in the relationship. Still, his partner reacted negatively, so he does not mention it anymore.

- I am incredibly excited about the idea of ​​having several women, and to see my wife kissing and having sex with another woman.

It would be so cool to be able to share this with my current partner, but unfortunately, she doesn't want to.

I have to respect that. In a previous relationship, my partner and I went to a swingers club, and I experienced what it felt like to see my woman with another woman. These memories always make me very horny and then I fantasize about how a woman gives me a blowjob while I caress the other, and how they also satisfy each other. I would even like to see my wife together with another man, there is an element of humiliation in this that excites me, it hurts me but is also incredibly exciting, it feels like a taboo and completely unthinkable, it goes like against all norms about what a relationship should look like ... That's a pity. It is not about deceiving each other, but about extended sexual experiences.

Martin: 37

"I'm inquisitive how it would feel to be blown by a strange man in an elevator."

Martin, who is a married father of small children, has never had a gay experience, but this is a common sexual fantasy he has had since his teens.

- In middle school and high school, "gay" was a bad word, and I was incredibly embarrassed that I could even think of ​​wanting to be with a guy. I suppressed those thoughts, stowed them far away in the darkest corner of my subconscious, and there they were. I was terrified that I might be bisexual, or even gay, and entered into relationships with girls early on. I am sexually drawn to women, but the attraction to men and the sexual fantasies about them are still always present.

- Most of all, I am interested in quick, anonymous gay experiences, I am very curious about what it would feel like to be given a blowjob by a stranger in a lift or in a park, and I feel jealous of the men who are allowed to live this out as they see fit.

I wish I could look through an app and make a sex date. I have never felt another man's erect penis, but hope to do so at some point in my life. And at the same time,

I still have feelings of guilt and shame, I am ashamed of these fantasies and, although I know intellectually that there is nothing wrong with me, I wish they weren't so compelling.

Maybe I have to live them out, but what scares me is the idea of ​​what it will be like if I enjoy sex with men too much? Will I have to choose, maybe leave my wife and family? I don't want to, and therefore I do not live out what I long for.

Family men's five most common sexual fantasies

Sex with several women

He imagines that he is potent and sexual and with a constant erection. The women cannot let him be but must be taken, and he takes care of himself and leaves everyone deeply satisfied.

Sex with men

If he lives heterosexual, it may very well happen that he fantasizes about the gay erotic scene, what happens discreetly and anonymously in a park or in a parking garage. For many heterosexuals, homosexuals are incredibly taboo, thus also extra attractive in fantasy formats. A blowjob, an attachment, something is forbidden but still so embarrassing. It is extremely common for heterosexual men to have homoerotic sexual fantasies.

Submission

In such a fantasy, he dreams of not having to make a single decision. He needs to lose control altogether, maybe be verbally offended, rebuked, forced to his knees. Many people dream of a dominant woman who controls him sexually and disposes of his sexual pleasure.

Violence and domination

Many male sexual fantasies are raw and aggressive. They are about taking someone sexually with violence and exercising their power. Especially if he is soft and compliant every day and lives by all standards of gender and consent, this subjugation in fantasy form can tear himself apart and populate his secret garden with violent spectacles. It is about reinforcing the traditional patriarchal role - and of course, a sexualized image of aggression and tyranny.

To see one's partner with another

Perhaps surprisingly, but it is not uncommon for men to breathe immensely upon seeing their partner having sex with others. Maybe her own sex life has stalled, and the man longs to see his wife live - but more from a distance. That he also has control over what is happening is an added bonus.

Familjemännens fem vanligaste sexuella fantasier

Sex med flera kvinnor

Han föreställer sig att han är potent och sexuell och med ständig erektion. Kvinnorna kan inte låta bli honom utan måste få bli tagna och han tar för sig frikostigt och lämnar alla djupt tillfredsställda.

Sex med män

Lever han heterosexuellt så kan det mycket väl hända att han fantiserar om det erotiska homoligget, det som sker diskret och anonymt i en park eller i ett parkeringsgarage. För många heteromän är homosex ytterst tabu, därmed också extra lockande i fantasiformat. En avsugning, en påsättning, något förbjudet men ändå så eggande. Det är oerhört vanligt att heterosexuella män har homoerotiska sexfantasier

Underkastelse

I en sådan fantasi drömmer han om att slippa fatta ett enda beslut till. Han behöver tappa kontrollen helt och hållet, kanske bli verbalt kränkt, tillrättavisad, tvingad på knä. Mången man drömmer om en dominant kvinna som styr honom sexuellt och förfogar över hans sexuella njutning.

Våld och dominans

Många manliga sexuella fantasier är råa och aggressiva. De handlar om att ta någon sexuellt med våld och utöva sin makt. I synnerhet om han till vardags är mjuk och följsam och lever enligt alla genus- och samtyckesnormer, kan detta underjag i fantasiform slita sig loss och befolka hans hemliga trädgård med våldsamma skådespel. Det handlar om en förstärkning av den traditionella patriarkala rollen – och naturligtvis en sexualiserad bild av aggression och tyranni.

Att se sin partner med en annan

Kanske överraskande, men det är inte ovanligt att män tänder oerhört på att se sin partner ha sex med andra. Kanske har det egna sexlivet gått i stå och mannen längtar efter att se sin kvinna leva ut – men mer från distans. Att han samtidigt har kontroll över det som sker är en extra bonus.

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